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Thread started 07/09/18 7:39am

FullLipsDotNos
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I hate male feminism and allyship

I hate male feminism and male allyship. I don't have a problem with feminism per se - quite the contrary, I wish everyone regardless of their gender was supportive of gender equality even if they don't identify as feminists. However, I have a problem with self-proclaimed male allies and male feminists.

These people are the very first ones to enter discussions about feminism and say things like, "I am a feminist, but..."

"I am a feminist, but the majority of female feminists are hysterical and aggressive."

"I am a feminist, but I don't think accessible abortion should be the priority of feminism."

"I am a feminist, but women with unshaved armpits are disgusting."

"I am a feminist, but women who wear a lot of make-up are insecure."

The problem is that feminism was created by women and non-binary people for themselves. Feminism is meant to empower them. They have a right to decide what feminism should be about, even be in disagreement with each other, but men cannot do that.

For example, if I visited a friend and gave her my unsolicited opinion on curtains in the living room ("They are so horrible!"), she would rightfully tell me it's her flat, not mine. And if she had an argument about it with her flatmates and I sided with those who thinks the same, she would feel offended and would think that FullLipsDotNose is nosey (no pun intended).

And this is what happens with these male self-titled allies and feminists. They step over boundaries and make things worse. If they didn't describe themselves as feminists nor allies, I'd just think they are silly and move on. But, unfortunately, these people occupy Facebook groups, marches, protests and other feminist spaces and if you know what their attitudes are, it makes you feel uncomfortable. Especially if you know that when men and non-men say exactly the same things, men are given more credit for it. It's happened to me quite a few times that I and a random man said something identical (even in the same thread!) and while I was called a "bitch" or "hysterical", the man got zillions of thumbs up.

So if you are a man and you say typical unoriginal things like "female feminists are hysterical", "abortions are pointless", "shaving is a must" or "make-up is worn only by insecure chicks", people will take it for granted. And if you consider yourself a feminist or an ally to feminism, why do you do these things if you are aware of consequences?

full lips, freckles, and upturned nose
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Reply #1 posted 07/09/18 8:36am

poppys

Lotta good stuff in this post. Thanks for writing it. Some men try to co-opt feminism in order to keep control of the narrative they've been dominating forever. They try to fix the problems (they see) by injecting their opinions without giving up anything, lol. It's pretty lame - and transparent.

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Reply #2 posted 07/09/18 9:08am

Silvertongue7

I see what you’re saying, but aren’t the examples that you mention the equivalent of ‘I’m not racist, but...’? So in other words, not feminists at all?
Personally anyone who says ‘the majority of female feminists are hysterical and aggressive’ is an arsehole, regardless of whether they are male and female themselves or whether they start the sentence with ‘I’m a feminist but’.
Someone's in my body, someone's in my body...
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Reply #3 posted 07/09/18 9:21am

poppys

Silvertongue7 said:

I see what you’re saying, but aren’t the examples that you mention the equivalent of ‘I’m not racist, but...’? So in other words, not feminists at all? Personally anyone who says ‘the majority of female feminists are hysterical and aggressive’ is an arsehole, regardless of whether they are male and female themselves or whether they start the sentence with ‘I’m a feminist but’.


Exactly. It's an attempt to control the definition of the word feminism. Some of my best friends are black uh women... Doesn't stop them from tryin' it.

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Reply #4 posted 07/09/18 12:36pm

FullLipsDotNos
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Silvertongue7 said:

I see what you’re saying, but aren’t the examples that you mention the equivalent of ‘I’m not racist, but...’? So in other words, not feminists at all? Personally anyone who says ‘the majority of female feminists are hysterical and aggressive’ is an arsehole, regardless of whether they are male and female themselves or whether they start the sentence with ‘I’m a feminist but’.

Yes, they are biggrin

Ironically, I saw a man commenting on something a couple of years ago on Facebook and he said, "I'm not a radical feminist, but this guy should be punished for his sexism." I told him, "You know, just as people saying 'I'm not a racist, but' are racist, you might be a radical feminist.'" smile

full lips, freckles, and upturned nose
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